


Have This

by moffwithhishead



Series: Sometimes I drabble [15]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-11
Updated: 2013-04-11
Packaged: 2017-12-08 03:23:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/756450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moffwithhishead/pseuds/moffwithhishead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Dean can’t believe that he gets to have this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have This

Sometimes Dean can’t believe that he gets to have this.

He can’t believe that he gets to have Cas spread out on the bed below him, waiting for Dean to do whatever he wants.

This  _thing_  with Cas, whatever you want to call it, isn’t new. Their love isn’t new. It hasn’t been new for a very long time (longer than either of them would like to admit).

He contemplates when he fell in love with an angel while he kisses down Cas’ naked chest, stopping at the old and new scars to kiss every one.

> Maybe, he muses, it was in the barn that first night when Cas assured him that he deserved to be saved. Maybe it was when he couldn’t save his mom and turned around to see Cas standing there, looking as heartbroken as Dean felt. Or maybe it was when Castiel went against everything he knew, died so Dean could save Sam… maybe it was when the beautiful man under him, whimpering his name, pulled him out of Hell.

Dean decides that he can worry about when it happened later because Cas is making noises like he’s dying and two hands are needed to get them both out of their jeans. Questions he may never have an answer to can wait.

They’re both naked and again, Dean can’t believe they’re this lucky. Castiel once told him that good things do happen; he didn’t believe him until the first time they kissed. 

He’s the only one who gets to see Cas like this, the only one who will ever see Cas like this, and he’s the only one who gets to kiss his hipbones like this, open him up like this, kiss him like this. 

> Their first kiss was in Purgatory, a beacon of hope in a land of despair. Their first time was after they closed the gates of Hell, desperate, in the back of the Impala and long overdue. 
> 
> Hester once told them that the first time Cas laid a hand on Dean in Hell, he was lost to the angels. It wasn’t until that night that he knew what she meant. The first time Dean was inside of Castiel, he was lost to the world. In all of his thirty some-odd years, he’d never understood what people meant when they said ‘making love.’ He gets it now.

Cas whimpers his name and Dean slides his fingers out, replacing them with himself and moving in as slowly as possible. This, he’s sure, will never cease to be amazing. The noises and faces his angel makes as he bottoms out and kisses him, are things Dean will never get tired of. The kiss is slow and languid, they don’t rush because they have no reason to. They move together, slow and fluid, the movements of people who know they have the rest of their lives to do this.

> Maybe, he thinks, he fell in love when he plucked Cas’ trenchcoat out of the reservoir.
> 
> Sometimes Dean wonders if he’s been in love with this man his whole life.

Their hands are joined above Cas’ head, their fingers intertwined and their foreheads resting against each other. The room is silent save for their breathy noises; the gasps of Dean’s name making the hunter’s heart stutter. Cas is biting his lip and Dean is sure that he’s never been more gorgeous. His hips shift and Dean starts moving again, torturously slow, making Cas moan expletives and blasphemies as he hits that spot over and over. They kiss again and Dean feels a hand slip over the ghost of the handprint on his shoulder and suddenly it feels like he’s drowning in a tsunami of love and blind faith and everything Cas feels for him and it’s Dean’s turn to moan as they both let go, fall over the edge together. 

——

“Thank you,” he whispers when they’re cleaned off and under the covers, ready to fall asleep.  _Thank you_ , he says.  _I love you, don’t ever leave me, you’re everything, thank you for loving me when I can’t even love myself_ , is understood.

“Go to sleep Dean,” Cas whispers back and pulls him closer.  _You’re welcome, I love you too, I’m not leaving you, you’re everything, thank you for letting me_.

/fin

*[the sections in blockquotes are thoughts, memories, semi unrelated things to the current sex]

 

**Author's Note:**

> cross posted from tumblr, [here.](http://castielresidentbamf.tumblr.com/post/47657682988/sometimes-dean-cant-believe-that-he-gets-to-have)
> 
> I still don't think I'm any good at writing porn but here, have some super schmoopy smut.


End file.
